dear particular person from SBM,

      i really appreciate those encouragement you gave me. every words you say matters, the tears i saw in your eyes, and those that came flowing down your cheeks , i don't know if it was just me being paranoid or what. if they were meant for me, i really feel useless. people around had been telling me being with him is not a good choice. you tell me i deserve better, i should treat myself better. you're right, those scars, those hurt. i neglect my friends, my family, and even everyone else around me, just to be in a relationship that brings tears and hurt. you told me i can always find you if i need someone to talk to, i am not without a friend, and if i am willing, almost everyone in SBM will be there for me. i don't know how to start talking to SBM members, because i know, once they build a bad impression of me, its hard to change. unless i am given a chance. i am really helpless especially when i have my real blood sister ashamed to have me as a sister. as an older sister, i only care about my relationship , i simply turned crazy just for love. but i had seen things through. i shouldn't hold on , shouldn't be clingy. my sister told me months ago, when there are still conversation between us , "i rather you continue loving fxxxxxxr then to be with axxxn." she told me, many asked if i really gave up loving fxxxxxxr. maybe you're right, i just enjoy the feeling of in love. but am i loved? treat myself better. this sentence keep appearing in my mind . one question for myself, " am i giving myself a chance to be treated better?"

       i used to be cheerful, active and even talkative . but now, i turned so emotional , so quiet, so cry baby. is this the life i wanted? NO . its really time for this change. some SBM members might not change their views of me, but it will take me some time, to forget axxxn. hope i will receive support and encouragement , last of all, SBM, sorry for the trouble i caused during the campfire night !:(

Yanye